Anyone For Coffee?
by Cherry Drop
Summary: This is a silly fic about a certain X-member drinking too much coffee *cough*Jean*cough* It also has fearless leader Scott in a skirt and a complimentary shade of lipstick, heh heh. Enjoy, oh and review.


I own nothing at all, no X-Men characters or songs ok? Marvel, WB and Brittany do. Although…I wouldn't mind owning my very own Pietro or Lance.  
  
A/N: I really didn't intend to bash anyone honest. Well actually I started of with that intention, but that flew out the window along with Jean's control.  
  
I know people have vaguely put coffee in their stories but this is my version all about Jean dosed up with caffeine, heh heh (poor Scott)  
  
By the way I don't like Scott and Evan and I surprisingly don't mind Jean.  
  
… means thoughts  
  
  
  
Anyone for Coffee?  
  
1  
  
2 minutes to 7 Jean thought, happily making her way to the phone in the kitchen. She sat on the edge of the table, waiting patiently for the familiar ring of the phone. Duncan was calling at seven, to arrange a date no doubt, she had thought to herself. By 7:15 Jean's patience had flown out the window, she was now pacing the floor and making loud tutting noises.  
  
At 7:45 there was still no word from Duncan. Kitty entered the kitchen with Evan closely following at her heel. Jean looked around slightly flustered, when she saw Evan she stormed over to him.  
  
"You. You've been on the Internet haven't you? You're always on it" shouted Jean furiously.  
  
"No man, I've been watching T.V. in the rec room just ask Kitty," replied Evan hurriedly.  
  
"Oh I'm so sorry Evan I didn't mean to shout", said Jean feeling terribly guilty.  
  
"Jean like what's up with you?" asked Kitty.  
  
"It's Duncan" Jean sighed, "he was supposed to call at seven and he hasn't".  
  
Scott who had been listening by the door snickered, hmm my work is done he thought triumphantly and headed off in the direction Evan had taken. If only he knew what he had started.  
  
"Ahh you poor thing like why don't I fix you some cappuccino and we can pig out on ice cream?" said Kitty with a warm smile knowing exactly what was needed in these circumstances.  
  
"Only if it's Ben and Jerry's double choc, fudge ice cream and throw in extra caramel sauce and pecan nuts too" said Jean satisfied with her request.  
  
Kitty promptly fell asleep, as she had spent the last hour in the danger room. That's when Jean stealthily crept up to make more cappuccinos. They just taste so damn good she thought.  
  
Kitty woken by a scream sat bolt up right. The rec room was deserted; she glanced around to find a missing Jean, a missing sauce bottle and cups. She stood up to find there was a total of 11 cups littering the floor. Jean couldn't have drunk 11 cups of coffee, could she?   
  
2 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
3 Meanwhile upstairs…  
  
Jean had made her way upstairs not feeling the full effect of the caffeine, already coursing through her. She began to hum; gradually it escalated to a giddy singsong.  
  
"I'maslaveforyou derderderder imaslaveforyou derderder de da de da do YEAH imasllllllavefor…"  
  
Rogue was curled up on her bed reading a dreary novel for an assignment. She was barely past chapter one when she heard the worst type of songs that ever graced her ear lobes, the lyrics of pop music.  
  
"Oh my, I think tha' s a Brittany song" She opened her door with a glare, ready to pounce on the offending singer. "Oh Jean ah…" she trailed off as Jean rose her hand to Rogue's face, Rogue leapt back "are you crazy?"  
  
"Youdrivemecrazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy WOO YEAH ijustcan'tseeee" Jean burst out into song once more.  
  
"Jean are you purposely trying to drive me insane, you know ah can't stand anything pop, especially Brittany" said Rogue accusingly.  
  
"Brittany? Where? Where?" Jean's eyes were wide and fleeting around quickly. Jean turned to Rogue with a desperate look "SHE'S GOING TO EAT ME, EAT ME I TELL YOU" Jean screeched her voice strained.  
  
"Uh huh" nodded Rogue completely dumbfounded.  
  
Rogue tried to back up into her room, but Jean grabbed her arm panic stricken. "Oh no it's C…C…Cristina, get away from me, stop it stop it, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO", then she let out a blood curdling scream and ran off down the hall.  
  
"P'haps ah should have stayed with the Brotherhood after all", said Rogue shaking her head.  
  
~ Kitty cleared away the cups, but still had no luck finding the caramel sauce ~  
  
Jean's scream startled Kurt who came out to investigate. Outside his door was Jean huddled on the floor rocking back and forth, muttering "Scary scary Brittany…even scarier Cristina monster…"  
  
"Hey Jean, you all right?" she didn't answer, so Kurt knelt besides her. "Vats the matter Jean?"  
  
Suddenly Jean's eyes flew open and she jumped up.  
  
"GET AWAY FROM MY SAUCE" she yelled.  
  
"Jean, have you been drinking?" asked an apprehensive Kurt.  
  
"Sticky, sticky he he he stickyyyyy" said jean becoming more giddy by the minute.  
  
"Huh?" said Kurt even more perplexed.  
  
Out of the blue Jean began squirting the unsuspecting Nightcrawler with caramel sauce. Laughing hysterically she chased poor Kurt down the grand hallway. Kurt could hear her wails close behind him. When Kurt made it down the stairs he skidded on a rug and landed on his butt.  
  
Jean stood triumphantly above him, the caramel oozed inches above his already sticky head. When he remembered his powers and bamfed to a secure spot behind the sofa.  
  
"Aw sticky blue elf boy doesn't want to play," She pouted. Her hands began to shake, strange she thought.  
  
"Boy, vats got into Jean" Kurt whispered.  
  
4 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Scott had come down to see what all the commotion was about. On his way down he had seen Nightcrawler dragging a rather puzzled Kitty into her room.  
  
Now my plan of sabotage is complete now for the friendly shoulder to cry on a small evil cackle of laughter escaped his lips, he turned round hastily making sure no one heard.  
  
Scott entered the rec room and saw Jean lying seductively on the couch, patting the space next to her.  
  
"Hi Scott" she was slurring her words, but Scott didn't notice, I think he was in fact drooling.  
  
"Jean, I've come to see how you are," said Scott recomposing himself.  
  
"Fantastic" replied Jean. "I'll be even better if you could do me a small favour, will you?" she questioned, in her beseeching voice.  
  
"Anything" said Scott dreamily, HA in your face Duncan, Summers scores, woo-hoo He was too busy thinking about Jean, that he didn't notice her waving a brightly coloured object. Until she giggled and place something scented around his neck.  
  
"What the…" he looked down and stared questioningly at a flowered garland. "Jean what exactly do you want me to do?" he asked slightly worried.  
  
Jean just smiled and handed him a Hawaiian grass skirt, she pulled hers on and stood waiting patiently for Scott to follow her lead. Scott just stood there looking dazed.  
  
"Come on Scott, I want you to dance with me" said Jean pouting.  
  
"Um…as long as you tell no one"  
  
"Ok I won't tell a soul", said Jean making the sign of a cross on her front, but actually making what looked more like a dog shape. Scott didn't notice.  
  
A while later Scott was in his hula skirt, which fitted him snugly. Him and Jean were swishing their hips and creating wave motions with their hands. Scott really got into it, even going as far as singing out loud.  
  
Jean suddenly lost her balance, coming over all dizzy she sat down abruptly. Scott rushed to her side.  
  
"Jean are you ok pumpkin?" asked Scott  
  
"I think so", Jean pulled a small tube from her pocket, "mulberry haze, perfect for your skin complexion"  
  
"WHAT?!?…You're not putting that on me" exclaimed Scott.  
  
"Oh but I am Cykey". With that she clasped a handful of his shirt and pulled him to her, almost throwing him down on the couch.  
  
"Whoa, I didn't know you were so strong," said Scott a little edgy.  
  
"There's a lot you don't know about me, Scott Summmerzzzz," said Jean seeing in double vision for a split second.  
  
"Scott I think you would make a great woman, we could have girly chats and everything.  
  
"A great woman?" echoed Scott. Jean managed to tear Scott's shirt right of his back.  
  
"Your outfits all wrong, a pretty lilac is more your colour" said Jean, discarding the shirt.  
  
Jean was actually scaring him. A lot. He tried to shove her off but she was straddling him. Scott began to whimper with fright.  
  
  
  
Next Jean kissed him. When it turned out to be a normal kiss he relaxed his muscles and sighed with relief. Jean chose that moment to growl in his ear, a feral growl even Logan himself would have appreciated. After growling a hysterical giggle escaped her lips, that's when Scott panicked, his arms and legs flailing feebly beneath her.  
  
Evan had been watching the whole scenario, and was giggling uncontrollably. Especially at seeing their fearless leader in a skirt. Not to mention his futile attempts of escape, which had Evan rolling on the floor laughing. However when Jean looked up at Evan and sneered like a creature possessed, he ran off shouting "Auntie O' Auntie O' help".  
  
Lightening cracked and strong gusts of winds whipped ferociously at Jean's face. A small lightening bolt struck her and her body fell limp and slumped on the couch. Scott pried himself loose and ran off crying with his thumb firmly embedded in his mouth.  
  
4.1.1 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"I'm not overreacting, look at me I'm covered with caramel. If never seen Jean act this vay, it vas veird" said Kurt pulling strands of hardened caramel from his hair.  
  
"So she must have like totally drunk all 11 cups of cappuccino, we've got to find her" said Kitty concerned for her friend.  
  
"I'm not going back down there she's crazy Keety", said Kurt unable to pull away from Kitty's grasp.  
  
"Like don't be ridiculous" replied Kitty as she phased them both through the door.  
  
Storm looked to be down at her last nerve. Frustrated she asked, "Now would someone like to explain what on God's green earth is going on?"  
  
Kurt bamfed into the room with Kitty at his side. "Jean's drunk 11 cappuccinos" Kitty explained.  
  
"That would account for the singing then" said Evan, slightly relieved that Jean hadn't gone mad.  
  
When Jean came round, Kurt approached Jean armed with a glass of water and a blanket, but he would have felt a whole lot safer with some form of restraint, like perhaps a riot shield. They made Jean comfy on the couch. (Which was a hard feat as she kept having numerous twitches and not to mention her eyes, one eye would flicker shut the other staring of to the side).  
  
"Is this because Duncan didn't call?" asked Evan rather tactlessly. Jean looked directly at him but didn't seem to focus; she was staring straight through him. Evan began shifting nervously from one foot to the other.  
  
"Bring bring…bring bring…bring bring…bbbbbbbbring bbbbbbring he haw he haw, bring, BRING BRING BRING", shrieked Jean still fixated on Evan.  
  
Evan unsure what to do stood still, he was scared stiff. Jean leapt of the couch and began pacing around Evan. Evan erratically spiked a wall around himself and sighed this would keep her at bay. *What you didn't think 'the spike man' would get off did you? Mwhahahahaha*  
  
Jean poked her head through the spikes and said "Brrrrring"  
  
"Oh man," uttered Evan, he let out a whimper when Jean unearthed his wall of spikes. "Please oh please don't hurt me, I'm too young to die" wailed Evan, crouching on the floor in a tight ball.  
  
"Guys I could use a little help around here" said Evan panic evident in his voice. Kurt bamfed him out of his self made prison.  
  
Jean looked slightly confused then a big smile crossed her face, she ran across the room and hugged Kitty, making loud telephone noises. Locating Evan she ran at him also, succeeding to knock him down. Evan looked petrified; he had a crazy person sitting on top of him humming like a phone.  
  
Scott peeked his head round the corner, he saw Jean and took off in the other direction. In his flight he ran straight into Logan, landing in a heap on the floor.  
  
"Jean…scary Jean…hula hula, he he…help me…" with that he carried on running.  
  
"Leader huh? My big toe could do a better job", said Logan with a shaking his head.  
  
Logan entered the room in time to see Jean hoist herself up on the window ledge, with a hand towel draped around her shoulders. She leapt out the window flapping her arms.  
  
"It's a freaking miracle I can fly" could be heard on her way down.  
  
The others rushed outside to find a slight dint in the soil but no Jean…  
  
"Maybe she really did fly", added Evan hopefully.  
  
4.1.2 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
The X-Men failed miserably in locating Jean, when the Professor tried to find her using his psychic abilities he found she was sound asleep in a bed. At least she was safe they would have to search when it was daylight. The X-Men then made their way to the kitchen to destroy every last bean of coffee.  
  
Jean woke up the following morning with a splitting headache.  
  
"Where am I?" she grumbled incoherently.  
  
"What was that my little Sweet Pea?" came a masculine voice from besides her.  
  
Jean's eyes widened with terror, she rolled onto her side to come face to face with Fred Dukes.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" her scream managed to wake Logan, who cursed his enhanced hearing and immediately fell back to sleep.  
  
  
  
The End  
  
That was actually my first ever X-Men Evo' fan fiction! Did it suck, or did you guys like it?  
  
Please tell me what you thought. 


End file.
